Grace ...

 - what is grace?

This word popped into my head today. And I want to study it. I think that is what I am supposed to do today.

Study Grace.

Again, I am called to dictionary.com to find a beginning, a place to start this study.
And here is some of what I found on this quest:

–noun

1. elegance or beauty of form, manner, motion, or action.

2. a pleasing or attractive quality or endowment.

3. favor or good will.

4. a manifestation of favor, especially by a superior:

5. mercy; clemency; pardon: 

6. favor shown in granting a delay or temporary immunity.

7. an allowance of time after a debt or bill has become payable granted to the debtor before suit can be brought against him or her or a penalty applied: 

Wow - I wonder where I am supposed to start.

With beauty of manner? Am I to reflect on my actions lately? Gosh, I hope not, not pretty.

How about an attractive quality? Do I try to look my best? Only sometimes, other times, pretty darn frumpy.

Or how about good will? Do I give the benefit of the doubt or jump to an ugly conclusion? I'm thinking I am not going to do well with this one either.

Or maybe mercy? Yeah, not showing much of that lately.

Favor? Um, no, not much of that happening.

An allowance of time to a debtor? I like to have the grace period, but do I allow one for others?

Maybe I should think some more on this.



And so off I go with four of my children to the Children's Holy Hour sponsored by our Home school group.

And then, back home again.



I am in awe of God. I am in awe of His Mercy. God rocks!

Last night at my weekly Adoration Hour, I sat in my chair, arms folded tightly against my chest, glaring at Jesus, feeling angry and getting angrier. I had thoughts that I KNEW did not come from any place or anyone good. And I embraced them. I gathered these thoughts to me knowing that I should not. I sat in front of Jesus and thought "I don't belong here."

I took off my glasses at one point, and realized that I could not see Jesus when I did that. The Crucifix was only a cross and the Monstrance was just a gold blur. And I liked that I couldn't see Him - maybe I thought that if I couldn't see Him, He couldn't see me (doesn't that sound like a mature adult?) And I festered. That is the only word that is totally appropriate for this. Fester. The act of rotting. And wasn't my soul doing that last night: festering, rotting. On the drive home, my husband and two good friends asked if I wanted to talk, and I said "no, thank you." And I tried to keep the rotting with me. I wanted to rot. I felt like I deserved to rot. That would be the reason and excuse for my behavior, my thoughts, my anger. I would have something, or someone, to blame; rather than myself.


Today, I knelt in front of Jesus and marveled at how in His Mercy and Love He showered me with GRACE - and I am forgiven for my surliness, my unjustified anger at Him.

I knelt, or sat in front of Jesus and felt His love. I felt the rot healing and the anger going away. Are my circumstances different? No, not really. But my thoughts are different. And as I prayed the Rosary with my children and the other families there, I felt peace. As I listened to the priest talk about the visit of the Angel to the children of Fatima, I was different. And Father reminded me us that visits are usually made to children; because children love big. They don't have filters on their love. They just love with all they have.

And that is how God loves me! BIG! With all He has.

My job, now, is to love Him back, big.

And maybe that is what I was supposed to discover today - that it doesn't really matter what I decide about the world's view of grace, I am to discover God's grace:  the freely given, unmerited favor and love of God.

It doesn't matter how I felt last night, I am still able to receive His grace. And He forgives me for being grumpy even when I am embarrassed to ask for forgiveness. And He loves me even when I don't think I am worthy of it.